How to architect your life for less stress

With an understanding that you probably aren’t able to alter many of your underlying allostatic load factors :

• Genetics
• Epigenetics
• Childhood development
• History of trauma and abuse

and that you may have limited ability to change the major life events you are currently managing - it is important to ask yourself what can I do to change MY NOW.


 What changes can you make to establish the foundation for a calmer, lighter future?  

How can you Architect Your Life,  reducing or avoiding predictable stressors, and building more space for recovery?

To accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." - Serenity Prayer

Here are two techniques that can be very helpful, the first a foundational pro-active approach and the second an ongoing regular process.

The first technique will take some time (but it is a game-changer if you do it) this is the

Time-Values Audit:

• Do your activities reflect your values?
• Do your activities provide you time for recovery?

 
Try this four-step strategy to architect a life that allows for stress recovery:

• Take a moment to write down your to 8-10 values:  What is important to you?  If you need inspiration, check out the following websites for free values and character strength assessment tools.  
  • https://www.valuescentre.com/tools-assessments/pva/
  • https://www.viacharacter.org/

• Be sure to put your list somewhere visible as a reminder of what is important to you!

• Next, over the next couple weeks, track your time spent in different areas of your life including, work, leisure, time with family, appointments, exercise, eating, sleeping, time on social media etc.  (This task may feel daunting but in order to truly understand how you are spending your time, tracking it is key.  Some of the tools that may help with this task include your calendar, screen tracking apps on your computer/phone and our favourite at the Garage - Lifecycle.  We have literally had members decide to change jobs once they realized how many of their waking hours were being spent in the car.)
• Tag each activity with a value from your list IF it applies.
• Now comes the fun part:  Look at your time tracking and compare it to your values?  Are they consistent?  Why or Why Not?  Did you put friendship as a top value only to notice that you didn’t have any time to connect with friends over the past week?  Or perhaps you value productivity, but your phone tells you otherwise as you spent over 2 hours a day mindlessly scrolling social media.  As you compare your values to actual time spent, think about what you can do to architect your life differently to bring your values and time spent closer in alignment.  Can you change your commute to a time where you listen to Podcasts or reconnect with friends on the phone?  Can you take a phone call at lunch while you go for a walk outside?  Or involve your family in meal prep time so that you have more time together.

• Finally- Come Up With a Plan- and write it down.  Take a blank calendar and architect your best week.  
  • Pencil In All of Your “Have to’s”- these are the things that you can not change- work schedules, children pick up and drop off times, standing appointments, family commitments, commute time, etc.
  • Now pencil in All of Your “Need to’s”- these are things that meet YOUR needs - exercising, cooking and eating, sleeping, hobbies, time with family, friends, scheduled downtime, etc.
  • Now check out what is left- this is the time that you have for anything else- this is your flex time and may include activities that took up a lot of time on your tracking sheet.   Go back to your value list and see what activities may fall into this category.  Are you spending a lot of time doing things you want to do but don’t necessarily have to do before you are getting your needs met?  If so, are they meeting a value?  Then keep them- just make sure that they are contained to your flex time.  If not, then give yourself the freedom to let go of them.

 
Our second technique is simpler:  Regularly review your weekly calendar how you spend your time.

• Are there things you are doing that you don’t value, don’t have to do or don’t need to do?  If so can you stop these activities in the future?
• How much of your time are you doing things that you truly value?
• Were their activities or tasks that caused you to stress?
• What can you do to avoid this stress next time?
• Do you need to do the activity?
• Can you prepare for it differently?

Now with this reflection fresh in your mind, plan your next week - what can you do (or not do) to make it flow better, align with your values and avoid predictable stress.

This is the second post in our STRESSRecovery guide.  Click here to read the first post.